I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
