Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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