The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
