I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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