that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
