Your dad touched me again.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
