the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
