i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
