it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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