bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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