just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
