I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
