So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
