Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
