I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
