I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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