The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
