She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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