Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
