sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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