the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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