im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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