Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
