If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
