Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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