Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
