She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
God, you're like boner-b-gone
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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