We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
