i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
