I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
