I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
