you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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