Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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