She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
