Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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