wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
