I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
