dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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