Too much gin, very little bucket
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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