My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
