I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
