so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
