Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
