those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
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Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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