4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
