Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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