pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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