where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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