For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
