It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
