you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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