I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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