I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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