is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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