Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize