Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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