I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
