i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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