we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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