I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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