We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
