i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
