fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize