So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
