Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
