I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are the jesus of drinking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
