i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
