Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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