Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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