Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
