I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
